


Finding Ourselves

by tearstained_soul, toumei



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anger, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Blood and Violence, Character Death, Dependency, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Dystopia, Emotional Manipulation, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Gay, Grief/Mourning, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Kidnapping, M/M, Manipulation, Manipulative Relationship, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Sexual Content, Shared Work, Superheroes, Superpowers, Trans Character, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 05:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16402169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tearstained_soul/pseuds/tearstained_soul, https://archiveofourown.org/users/toumei/pseuds/toumei
Summary: Twins who ran to escape their family. A brother and sister searching for their birth parents. A young girl with no memories of her past. A twenty year old trying to hide from his. What could they all have in common? An orphanage. Oh, and they all have their own powers.They really only have each other on their own journeys. And who knows, they might just save the world along the way.





	Finding Ourselves

I felt... weird. Weird and heavy. I was in the beginning stages of consciousness; I knew I was awake but my body was still clinging to the dark depths of sleep. I didn’t want to leave the dream world. It was safer there, even if it was a nightmare.

 _What’s that noise?_ I couldn’t quite what it was in that moment. Everything was too foggy. But then it hit my, footsteps. My heart raced, thumping angrily against my chest. My eyes snapped open before immediately snapping back shut. I let out a pained moan, pressing the palms of my hands into my eyes. That’s when I felt an awkward tug on the skin of my left hand. Peering through my lashes, I looked over the back of my hands. It was an IV taped down.

“You’re up.” The woman’s voice was rough and angry. I jumped, folding in on myself.

“Where-”

“You look well enough. Take the IV out, get dressed, and get out. The headmistress will see you. Don’t keep her waiting.” The nurse shoved a set of clothes at my chest before turning curtly turning on her heel and bustling out of the door.

The thrumming of my heart didn’t stop, it only got worse. Gritting my teeth, I slowly pulled back the tape then slid the needle out of my hand. I felt sick to my stomach. I was in some sort of small infirmary. I could tell that much, and there didn’t appear to be a private room in sight. I felt even more sick and anxious as I quickly tore off the hospital gown to get changed. I kept the undergarments I already had. At least I was alone. The outfit was a simple pair of black leggings that felt a little tight and a grey pullover that was way too large for my. It was almost like a dress. I didn’t have any shoes.

 _Don’t keep her waiting._ The nurse’s voice rang out in my head. I shuddered, folding my arms across my chest.

 _Where do I go? She never told me… I don’t know what this place even is or who that nurse was or who the headmistress is supposed to be. Was this a school? Would I be safe here?_  I wandered out in the hall, my mind racing with worry. I kept my eyes down, no wanting to draw attention to myself. I descended down a set of dirty and worn-down stairs to an equally disgusting floor. I wandered around for what felt like half an hour. My heart pumped nervously in my chest as I descended the stairs.

“Oh, shit.”

I fell to the ground after to colliding with the firm chest of some tall blue-haired boy. I scrambled to my feet, muttering a quick apology. My breath was caught in my throat when I fell. It stayed away when the boy grabbed my arm to help my up.

“Sorry. You good?”

I nodded.

“Okay.” He didn’t give me much of a choice as he led me to a bench a few feet away and sat down. I followed him while staring down at my hands, trying to stop my erratic breathing. Thankfully, he wasn’t touching me anymore. He gave me some room. It didn’t feel like enough.

“I haven’t seen you around before. You new? The staff here suck, but they’ll leave you alone for the most part. What’s your name?”

“Kai, I think...”

“Alright. I’ll take you to the headmistress’s office. If you want. They won’t show you.”

_Why’s he doing this?  What does he want from me?_

“Okay. Thank you,” I found myself saying. They sat there in silence. The boy fiddling with his phone while I picked at the grime beneath my fingernails. A few minutes passed in silence. My lungs didn’t hurt anymore and I could see straight again. My feet were cold.

“Ready?” He put his phone back into his pocket. My eyes met his blueish-green ones. They shone bright with mild concern. He probably didn’t care too much, just felt bad for knocking me down. He shouldn’t. It was my fault.

I nodded and stood, trailing behind him as he led me to the back of the building. I was behind him a few noticeable steps, still wary of his intentions. He was helping me when I inconvenienced him. He’d probably come back to me when he wanted something later. I felt sick.

“It’s through there.” He pointed back to a dark wooden door. It seemed menacing against the white of the walls.  “Good luck.” Then he was gone. I never got his name.

I stood in front of the door for a few moments before tentatively raising a hand and rapping softly against the hard, dark wood.

“Come in.” It was gruff and unwelcoming like the door.

I shuddered, my hand hesitating on the door knob. _You can run. If they catch you,just say you were scared.They don’t know you._ I opened the door to be met with the stale smell of bitter coffee and rotting flowers. The woman behind the cold metal desk had a sour face. Her black hair was drawn back tightly into a neat bun. She was wearing a pantsuit. Nothing was special about it. It was grey. Cold.

“What’s your name and where are you from?”

“Kai… and I don’t know.”

The woman stared me down. I squirmed, quickly casting my eyes down to the ground. The silence filled the room like thick smoke, choking the young girl. I began to feel weird. And it wasn’t just nerves, they would always be a big factor. This was different; the headmistress didn’t trust me. Didn’t believe me. Hated me. I had nothing to really back that up. Just a bad feeling that settled in my gut, tightening the knot in my stomach.

The headmistress stood, eyes still stuck to the small girl like needles. It stabbed into my skin, daring me to lock eyes with the cold woman again.

 _‘Don’t you dare look at me!’_  The angry voice rang out loud in my head. I flinched. My head throbbed dully in remembrance. He nearly cracked my skull open.

My left hand found its way to my wrist, clenching tightly. My fingernails dug into the flesh, biting and scratching at the sensitive skin. The room suddenly felt like a desert at high noon. My breath caught in my throat again. I didn’t want to panic another time. I didn’t want to show weakness. I bit my lip, the iron taste hit my tongue.

“You don’t know?”

I shook my head. “No. I don’t know how I got here or where I am… Ma’am.” My voice was small and wavering. Weak.

That’s pretty much how the rest of the conversation went. It was more of an interrogation actually. Was I a criminal? Did I run from my family? Why didn’t I know anything except my first name? Was it fake? I didn’t know. I was scared. It ended with the headmistress- I still hadn’t gotten her name- explaining that I would be moved into one of the rooms on the left side of the building close to the top of the building. She really emphasised the upper left side. It must’ve meant something but it was too early for I to have any inkling of what that could be.

“Naturally, you’ll be by yourself. But don’t get any ideas, we have no tolerance for your sort. Lunch started five minutes ago. Get there if you want to eat. Dismissed.”

Asking for clarification was out of the question. I scrambled to my feet and got out of there. I was too nervous to feel hungry. Might as well try to find my bedroom. There was no one around to help me, I heard all the noise coming from the cafeteria. _Too many people. Too loud._

My feet were still cold.

Room 304. Just follow the staircase up to the third floor and head to the back of the hallway on the far left  of the building. Everything in the room was white like the rest of the building but it wasn’t dirty. Just not lived in and a little dusty. The white pillows faded in with the white comforter and the white sheets. Really, the only colour in the room was the cold, grey steel of the bedframe and the grey dresser, desk, and nightstand. I didn’t go into the bathroom. I knew what colour I would see. The light on the nightstand didn’t work.

Dull. Everything was dull and lifeless.

My eyelids felt heavy. I couldn’t have been awake for more than an hour. I didn’t know how long I had been out for previously. Everything was pretty much black before I woke up here. I still wasn’t sure where I was, just that I wanted to sleep again. I climbed up onto the bed. It was softer than I was used to. The sheets were a bit scratchy but I still thought it felt nice as I slid under the covers. _My feet are cold,_ I thought, hugging the one pillow to my chest.

\-------------

My stomach rumbled, pulling me out of the black sea of slumber. I didn’t move though. Just laid in the warmth of the sheets and stared up at the white ceiling. My mind was blank, empty. Not necessarily calm but I just wasn’t thinking about anything.

The golden light of the sunset landed right over where I lay. A sigh escaped through my nose and I sat up as my stomach rumbled again. I didn’t want to get up.

I found myself rummaging through the drawers of the dresser. It was just two more of the same crewnecks, a few too-large t-shirts, another pair of leggings, and two pairs of shorts as well as some undergarments. They were mostly stained up. I didn’t see any shoes. I donned a pair of grey socks I found in the top drawer. They used to be white at some point but that was a long time before I came to possess them.

Heading to the door, I noticed a dingy mirror nailed to the backside I hadn’t seen upon my first inspection of the room. I cringed, ducking my head and leaving the room as quickly as I could. I couldn’t look at myself. I wouldn’t.  

Finding the cafeteria was easy enough; it was still really loud. I hesitated by the double doors, beginning to fiddle with the edge of my shirt. I was going to turn back and just let myself starve. But I saw the blue-haired boy sitting with a pretty girl, they were by themselves off to the side. I still wasn’t sure about the boy but the girl seemed soft. Friendly, judging by her body language. There was no way to know if it was just because they were friends. I wanted to believe that it was more than that. I let my hope decide for me and pushed the heavy doors open.

Then I kind of just stood there, off to the side so I wouldn’t get hit but close enough to the doors that I stuck out like a sore thumb. Some of the kids glanced in my direction and rolled their eyes before turning their attention back to their food and friends. My heart rate soared again. The girl seemed nice enough with the boy.

 _“But nobody could ever really care for you, you make it so hard. You’re always so bad.”_ His voice carried a sensual tone at the end. Flirtatious. Like I had a choice. I didn’t want to hear his voice anymore. It scared me. The memories hurt.  

I was startled out of my thoughts when the blue-haired boy gave a half-hearted little wave in my direction. I waved back, forcing a smile on to my lips that lasted only a few seconds. My eyes left the pair to glance around the room again. When I finally turned my attention back to the pair, the boy was beckoning for me to join them. I felt sick to my stomach, my appetite completely gone. Still, I found my feet taking me over to their secluded table. I stood awkwardly next to them before the boy moved over, obviously making a space for me. I sat and promptly looked down at my lap.

“I’m Jane. You’re Kai, right?” the girl asked. Her voice was sweet. I liked the way she sounded. It was pretty.

“Yeah,” I murmured shyly. “W-what’s your name?” I found myself saying to the boy. I was almost trembling with nerves.

Jane’s demeanor instantly changed. “You mean you didn’t introduce yourself earlier? Sparrow!”

“Sorry. Sorry. I wasn’t thinking about it. Geez.” He didn’t seem to care, his voice held little emotion. She wasn’t really angry. She sounded more embarrassed, almost like Sparrow was her son or something. I didn’t understand. It made me more nervous.

I glanced up to see Jane shake her head. “Boys,” she said like that was supposed to mean something. I turned my attention back down to my lap and began to fiddle with the edge of my shirt.  

“So they’re kinda strict about meal time. Dinner’s almost over so you won’t get anything from them tonight. Don’t worry about it though; I’ll get you something later. You must be starving.”

“You don’t have to… I don’t want to be a burden.”

“I’m not going to let you go hungry. It’s really no trouble, don’t worry about it, Kai.”

I was taken aback by Jane’s kindness to say the least. I couldn’t remember much, but I knew no one had ever treated me this nicely before. I didn’t know how to feel about. I was a weird mixed of uneasy and relieved.

“Oh… thanks.”

Jane had finished eating before I had entered the cafeteria. Sparrow was just pushing his half-eaten food around his plate. He pushed the plate halfway towards me with a raised brow. I shook my head. “Not hungry right now.” It was only a bit of a lie. It still hurt me to say it, I felt bad.

Silence fell over them. I was left to think about everything that happened since I woke up. The staff certainly seemed to not care at all about me. They would definitely be really strict and awful based off of what Sparrow and Jane had to say about them. Sparrow seemed alright, I didn’t know if I could trust him though. Jane was really nice. But was she too nice? Was it all an act? It was too early for me to think clearly on that.

Sparrow had grabbed Jane’s empty plate after a little while and stacked his on top. He was headed toward the trash at the front of the room but stopped dead in his tracks when I blurted out, “Where are we?”  

“You mean the town? We’re in Burke.”

“No, I mean this? Like why are we all here?”

Jane and Sparrow exchanged a look, both obviously a bit confused and worried. The air suddenly became tense, but I tried to ignore it. Sparrow just tossed the plates on the next table over and sat back down, straddling the uncomfortable bench.

“Uhh…” he piped up after a minute, looking over at Jane again. “Well, this is an orphanage. I… we thought you’d know that?” Jane nodded in agreement, concern shining as bright as day in her grey eyes.

“Oh… well, I just don’t remember much before waking up this morning.” I felt my face flush with embarrassment. “My head hurts,” I said softly, embarrassed tears finding their way into my eyes. I wasn’t lying this time but I did want to shift the conversation away from my own stupidity. My head had been throbbing since I woke up, it had only just gotten worse.

“Oh! Well how about we take you up to your room then? So you can rest some more. I can bring you something to eat later tonight.”

I nodded, keeping my head down. I bit my lip, wanting to keep from crying in front of them. They probably already thought I was weak.

I let them take the lead out of the cafeteria and up the three flights of stairs it took to get to my room. The older pair exchanged another look when I told them what room I was in. Did that mean something? The headmistress said I’d been placed on the left side for a reason. It was probably obvious. I didn’t ask.

Sparrow stayed outside and waited for Jane as she led me into my bedroom. Jane helped me into bed which was a weird experience for me. Jane even tucked me in. It was nice though. Even if I was suspicious of her intentions, I appreciated it. It was nice to be cared for.

“I’m the next floor up in room 405. Just come get me if you need anything. I hope you feel better.” She flicked off the light as she left. I heard her start talking with Sparrow after the door closed. I couldn’t make out a single word of it. Their voices faded quickly as they walked away, but their footsteps echoed in the hall. Then it was quiet.

I broke. Tears flooded out from my eyes into the pillow I used to keep quiet. The confusion, anxiety and fear, the feeling of animosity from headmistress and the other kids in the cafeteria, and just the overall tremendous stress caught up to me. I didn’t know how to handle it. Jane and Sparrow seemed kind enough, Jane certainly seemed to be a naturally caring person, but I couldn’t trust them. I knew I couldn’t trust anyone. They’d just hurt me. That’s what I came to expect from people.

I had no recollection of calming down, but it happened eventually. My head was throbbing even worse than it had been before. I was exhausted and still anxious beyond belief. It was all still too much to comprehend but I was crying anymore. I could feel myself falling asleep again which was a huge relief.

\-------------

I was startled awake by the sound of the door creaking open. I bolted upright in my bed, my breath caught in my throat.

“Oh, sorry. Were you asleep?” It was just Jane. I relaxed and nodded.

“‘s okay. I slept too much today. What time is it?”

Jane motioned towards the desk chair, asking if she could sit down. I nodded again. “It’s about 9:30. You’ve been asleep for almost three hours. We left the cafeteria around 6:45.” She took off her backpack and sat facing the younger girl. I pulled at the comforter and wrapped it around myself, the cold of the room seeping into my skin. Jane didn’t seem to be phased by the temperature. She was probably used to it. _I wonder how long she’s been here. What happened to her parents? What happened to mine?_

“I don’t have any shoes,” I found myself saying.

“They tend not to give us any. They don’t want us to escape I guess. I probably have an old pair you’ll fit into. If you want them, of course.”

“Oh. Okay, thanks.”

Before Jane had a chance to say anything, My stomach rumbled loudly. A furious blush crept its way onto my cheeks. Jane pulled a small container out of her backpack.

Smiling, she said, “I got you something to eat. Well, I brought it. Sparrow’s sister, Gale, stole it from the cafeteria.” She handed it to me along with a bottle of water. “If it’s not enough, we can get you more. Do you know when you last ate?”

I shook my head no, opening the smaller container. Inside was a turkey sandwich and a shiny blue bag of potato chips. I quickly took a bite of the sandwich only to spit it back out into a napkin. I peeled back the top piece of bread to reveal a tomato which I promptly got rid of.

Jane laughed. “Sorry about that. Gale made that, not me.”

I practically inhaled the rest of the sandwich and scarfed down the bag of chips. After taking a few sips of water, I thanked the older girl who insisted it was nothing.

“Does your head still hurt? I have some ibuprofen if you wanna take it.”

I shook my head immediately. I couldn’t trust that even if Jane was nice. It sounded harmless enough but I was paranoid. I began to feel sick to my stomach; I shouldn't have eaten the sandwich. It could’ve been poisoned. It was a ridiculous thought. Deep down, the rational part of me understood that. I never really used my rational thinking though.

“Alright then. Well, if it gets worse, just let me know.”

I nodded, directing my gaze to the floor.

“Are you alright?”

I nodded again. I wasn’t thinking much anymore. The panic from just a moment ago was quickly forgotten. But even though I wasn’t nervous anymore, I wasn’t calm either. I wasn’t really feeling anything at all. I was just existing. Jane seemed to be concerned for me and my wellbeing.   _I think I can trust her. She seems nice enough. She’s not like him._ They only just met, but my gut was telling me that Jane wouldn’t try to hurt me.

“Sparrow has a sister?”

“Mhm, they’re twins. I have a little brother named Mark.”

 _Do I have any siblings? I don’t think so… Why can’t I remember anything?_ I tried to think back before waking up earlier that day. I only got really foggy recollections of the man’s voice. I couldn’t figure out who he was no matter how hard I concentrated on trying to put a face or a name to his face. All I knew was that he scared me. Was Kai even my name? Or did I just come up with it on the spot? _No… it feels right…. I think?_  I didn’t remember a last name. Or really anything else about myself or my past for that matter. My head started to pound a little harder, demanding my attention.

“Are you sure you’re alright, Kai?”

“Yeah… I just don’t remember if I had any siblings. Or much of anything before today...”

Jane’s face contorted with a mix of confusion and concern before quickly falling neutral and friendly. She must’ve wanted me to feel safe around her. She was trying to build my trust in her. “Well, Gale was there when you were brought in here. She said it looked like you had hit your head pretty hard, that’s probably why you’re having trouble remembering.”

“When was that? Like when did I get here?”

“A week ago. You were left here by the police. From what I heard, they decided it was best to leave you in the care of the staff here.”

That stung. How could they just leave me with these people? The only reason I knew where I was and how things worked was because Jane and Sparrow just happened to be nice enough to talk to me. They happened to recognise that I was new. And that I would starve if they hadn’t stolen for me. Tears stung my eyes again, but I blinked them away. Jane had already seen too much of my depressing antics.

“ _Shit.”_ Jane’s attention was turned to her hand; she was bleeding from a small cut. I wasn’t thinking when I dropped my comforter, got up, and headed over to the older girl. Gently, I took Jane’s injured hand, my thumb was in the centre of the older girl’s palm and my index finger rested against her knuckles. The rest of my fingers just laid across the back of her hand. I didn’t know what I was doing or how I did it really. They both watched as the skin over the cut was regrown, stopping the rather minimal amount of bleeding. Jane’s eyes were wide in awe.

“How did you do that? Can you do more?”

I dropped Jane’s hand as if it had suddenly turned into a hot iron. I was panicking again. It wasn’t natural. That couldn’t have happened. Jane was going to hate me.

 _“Freak!”_ The angry voices of the other kids rang out in my head. I didn’t remember when it was but I knew it was a long time ago. My chest hurt as it heaved the effort of trying to get a decent amount of air in. I couldn’t do it. It was almost like I was seeing everything from far away. Tears stained my cheeks again.

Jane was taken aback to say the least; the change in my well being was sudden. The older girl hesitated a moment due to the shock of the moment. As soon as she gained her footing again, she turned soothing and gentle, if not a little panicked herself. Her words became softer than they had been before. She let me back myself into the corner of the room, she didn’t try to chase me. She gave me plenty of space.

“Kai, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong, I promise. I’m not going to tell the staff here. I swear I would never do that. I know this is scary for you.”

_Freak! Freak! FREAK!_

I couldn’t make it stop. I still heard the jeering laughter. I knew Jane was trying. The more Jane spoke, the more I began to calm down. I was still caught in the whirlwind, though; my head began to pound more. I just wanted it to stop.

“I can do things, too. It’s not a bad thing to be able to do stuff like that, I promise. You’re not alone. Sparrow controls ice and water. Gale has super strength. Mark and I are empaths. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

_They’re weird too. Is that why they’ve been nice? Did they know? They couldn’t have…_

My breathing slowed, crawling back to normal. I had slid down the wall and was sitting in the corner, wrapped into myself. Jane kept her distance, remaining firmly in the desk chair. She didn’t want me to get more upset.

“There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with having powers like yours. Like ours. I promise.”

“What does that mean?” I managed to get out.

“There’s just something in your genes that’s different from most people. You have unique abilities and you can use that to help people. That’s special, Kai. _You’re_ special.”

_I don’t want to be special. She’s lying._

I tried to push myself further away from the older girl but was met with the coldness of the hard wall. It wouldn’t budge, I was stuck in that corner. I didn’t say anything more. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to sleep again. My head pounded. And my feet were still cold.


End file.
